The final discoveries before I turn 53!
These final 17 are the most personal things I have learned over the last 5+ decades. To catch up, you’ll find Part 1 here and Part 2 here.
Strap yourselves in! As ever, they aim to help and inspire. π
So here goes 36 to 53 of 53…
36. You can create your future. I deliver work around the world, mostly from home, often with a dog asleep on my desk. If I am not at home, I am usually abroad, delivering work that lights me up. It started with a thought, a choice, and a Big Leap, with zero self-worth but, thankfully, bucket tons of grit and resilience.
37. Heal your stuff! Really, I should have healed my self-hate and overcome my childhood trauma and C-PTSD before taking the leap to do only what I love every single day, but I got there. If you feel unhappy or less than, proactively find someone to help. I got lucky and fell into healing; choose it. It is life-changing.
38. Victim or victor: your choice. I write openly in The Damage of Words about life as an unhealed victim of narcissistic emotional and physical abuse and how I took back my power, did the self-work, and healed. As a victim, I was defensive, prickly and fairly friendless. As a victor, life is light, joyous, calm, centred and more.
39. Labels are extremely damaging. I see a lot of people coping with life or numbing with countless addictions because they have been misdiagnosed and mislabeled by “professionals”. Then, rather than considering alternative opinions or options, they cling to these labels and never learn to thrive. π
40. People-pleasing and perfectionism are rife but only lead to misery, resentment and burnout. See the Addiction Tree below, which includes thought, activity, substance, people and feeling addictions. Healing the root cause of my people, thought (including perfectionism) and feeling addictions was life-changing.
41. Inner child work is critical for anyone who resonates with the tree’s roots. It is the fastest path to reconnecting to yourself and learning to emotionally regulate. By connecting with my inner child and giving her the love she needed, I grew to like and eventually love myself. I lost my defensiveness and now seldom trigger.
42. The only behaviour you can change is your own. For example, local skunk/pot smokers wear gloves to hide the smell and throw them on the ground. Frustrated dog walkers ask them not to do it, which they ignore. I just pick them up because I know I will walk past a bin. I cannot change the culprit’s behaviour, so I change mine. It’s the same with the countless glass bottles that mindless people leave where they could smash and cut Banjo’s paws; I can’t stop it, but I can bin them.
43. 15-20% of people are highly sensitive, an innate trait found in 100 species. Dr. Elaine Aron, the leading expert, says, “The trait of high sensitivity is, in essence, all about processing information more deeply.” Once I understood, life became less overwhelming, and its gift emerged. Life is vivid, moving and creative! π€©
44. Vulnerability is my superpower. Obviously, not the kind I felt as a powerless child, but the kind that creates power through openness and authenticity. People find my realism refreshing; they know where they stand. No masks or games at play. As AI seeps in further, people will crave people brave enough to be real.
45. Write a book! When I sent the final draft of The Robot-Proof Recruiter to Kogan Page, I ugly cried because it is one thing to stand on stage and something else altogether to write down thoughts in black and white. Yet, you all loved it, so sending the final draft of Reboot Hiring to Wiley felt nothing but empowering!
46. Celebrate your journey. This degree-less woman was asked to write a book and second edition and has seen photos of it on 6 continents! I have now spoken with confidence on stages on 5 continents when I used to shake like a leaf. Wiley signed me in 4 days for book two. I shed my fears as I did the self-work, and today I feel awe for all that I have achieved and what is coming! Watch this space. πβ¨
47. Make mistakes! I have made countless mistakes in my life, personally and professionally, and each one is an opportunity to learn and grow. I’ve tried things that failed, trusted people who betrayed me, and got myself into situations I probably shouldn’t have survived, but they all brought me to where I am today. Mistakes give you character, grit, resilience and wonderful life lessons.
48. People often show you who they are the first time. As a claircognizant, I usually see behind people’s masks when others cannot, but I’ve found that when I don’t, I learn a valuable life lesson or discover something new about myself. I also know that if I can see through someone when others cannot, I need to wait for others to see it themselves because surprisingly few heed my warnings.
49. What you think you get. Ever thought of someone and they messaged? Ever wished you didn’t have to attend something and it was cancelled? Our thoughts really do create our reality so I have learned to be conscious of mine, especially negative, repetitive ones, and to keep my vibe high. Not easy, but totally worth it!
50. Tune into your intuition; never ignore it. We are all born with open clair senses, yet most end up shut down by society or schooling. Even neuroscientists have proven that the Vagus nerve runs up from the gut to the heart and then the head. If you ignore it and regret it, remember the sensation so you don’t ignore it again.
“Neuroscience research has shown that we each have three fully functioning brains. Our head (cephalic) brain is best suited for creativity, logic, and problem solving. Our heart (cardiac) brain serves us best when accessed for passion and compassion. And our gut (enteric) brain is the source of courage and self-protection. The vagus nerve is the communication channel between the three brains. 90% of the brain signals travelling through the vagus nerve are travelling up; only 10% travel down!”
51. Find your tribe! I have an eclectic mix of friends who receive me exactly as I am. They accept my clairaudience and claircognisance, and listen to spiritual conversations they find surreal. Avoid people who don’t love your perfectly imperfect self and quirkiness or make you feel less than fabulous. Have friends of differing ages, genders, nationalities and sexualities. Love your tribe fiercely!
52. Love yourself completely, flaws and all. I know what I am asking; once, as I write in my memoir, the thought of even liking myself seemed so far beyond my reach. But I truly believe that if I can shift from utter self-loathing to self-love, care and compassion, anyone can. Even on the gloomiest day London can deliver, I find life is light, easy and happy in a way I didn’t believe was possible. I found it within.
53. Ageing is not guaranteed! Next week, I’ll be 53, which shocks me somewhat because I feel 30, though happier, stronger, more confident and with zero f*cks to give. I will celebrate surviving perimenopause to get to the absolute joy of post-menopause, which nobody talks enough about (think Mel Gibson’s freeeeedom!). But mostly, I shall celebrate for the ’71 babies I loved that have passed and remind me that growing old disgracefully is a gift to cherish, wrinkles, sags and all.
