Recruiter, You Are Not Here To Be Liked!

by | Aug 24, 2022

Respected, yes. Liked, that’s just a bonus.

Yes, of course, it’s easier if people like you but if you need to be liked that’s a problem.

And, in my experience, it only matters that you like yourself.

In fact, love yourself.

I took a long time to get from self-loathing to self love, care and compassion but it wast worth it. Because now I don’t care if you don’t like me, and plenty don’t. And that’s ok.

Because I’m here to shake things up. Ruffle feathers. Push boundaries. Inspire change.

When all I want to do is improve the recruitment and candidate experience for recruiters, hiring managers and, most importantly, the people going through the hiring process, I am going to put a few noses out of joint!

And that’s ok.

Because I no longer need to be liked.


Wanting vs needing to be liked.

This article on Psych Central explains it well. “Wanting to be liked is a human trait shared by most people. On the other hand, if you need to be liked, there are some telltale signs. This could include:

  • continuous efforts to please people.
  • willingness to do almost anything, including things you know are wrong or dangerous.
  • heightened anxiety when facing disapproval.
  • reluctance to stand out from the group or go against the grain.
  • fixation on a person who doesn’t seem to like you.”

Do any of those resonate with you? I hear many of these from the recruiters I have and do work with. Especially people pleasing, perfectionism, and the ensuing stress it creates.

It’s what drives me to launch programmes like The Collective. I want to see you reduce your stress levels, because recruiting is hard enough without adding this need to be liked to the equation.


Recruiters, you are not here to be liked.

You cannot and will not deliver a great experience for your hiring manager or candidate, if you need to be liked. Hiring managers don’t need to like you. Candidates don’t need to like you. You can do a brilliant job without either of those things.

The only person that needs to like you is you.

And I empathise if you currently cannot believe that you could ever like or love yourself, or have high self worth. But liking yourself will not just improve your work-life, it will impact everything. Including your health, happiness and personal relationships.

I was prompted to write this after a recent call with a talent acquisition pro. It reminded me of Derek Zeller and my dedication to him in Edition 2 of The Robot-Proof Recruiter. He was “So busy helping others that he forgot to help himself. Even his passing is a lesson to us all.”

Don’t forget to help yourself.

There is so much out there. Countless different types to try. Try everything until you find the thing that helps. And then when it plateaus find something else.

Our traumas and scars are layered and by healing them over time, we can like or even begin to love ourselves. We can raise our self-worth. Then we won’t be perfectionists or people pleasers. Instead we will set boundaries and earn respect.

Then we can be the best versions of ourselves.

The version of ourselves we like.

Part of the Recruitment Isn’t Broken newsletter. For more, be sure to subscribe below, grab Edition 2 of The Robot-Proof Recruiter, check out The Collective, and listen to The Hiring-Partner Perspective.


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