Holy f*ck, I’m 55 today.

How the hell did that happen? I was 40 a few moments ago. 😉

But ageism and the shock of being 5 years from 60 aside, I am loving my 50s. They are spectacularly my zero f*cks to give era. Oh, and post-menopause is joyous!

Gen X women are not fading. We are breaking rules, ageing in our own way, and even if the children in BetterMe’s marketing department think I should look like a 70-year-old from the 1980s in need of a 10-minute warm-up to walk 15 minutes briskly, I give you me, flexible and fit, mucking about at a recent photo shoot at The Daily Mail! (Long story about the leg 🤣) 

To anyone who thinks 55 is old, if you are lucky, you’ll get here, and you’ll find that inside you feel considerably younger. Your reflection might shock you, as it does me, when I am dancing around my kitchen to ’80s music and catch sight of myself, but I continue because I have lost four fellow ’71 babies. Friends and an old lover who died too soon. Never forgotten.

Growing old is a gift!

Anyhoo… I thought 55 life lessons learned might be a little long, so I decided to use the initials of my name, because it’s my birthday, and I can. 😆 Plus, I am in Brașov, Romania, for a conference, and amazed it’s been a decade since I last spoke on stage on my birthday. (RecruitDC: forever in my heart!)

14 life lessons

Kindness: specifically, self-kindness. Not doormat people pleasing or co-dependent kindness, which burns people out and builds resentment, and needs to end. The kindness to heal my emotional wounds, transform my life, and positively impact my loved ones. The self-kindness to forgive my past mistakes and behaviours, as I forge a new life.

Ascend: I summited Kilimanjaro and several high-altitude peaks in Peru, took a microlight over Victoria Falls and swam out to Devil’s Pools in my 40s. I climbed steep boulders in the Crystal Cave in Belize in my early 50s. If I had not invested in healing my childhood trauma, I would never have pushed my limits. Don’t wait to heal anything that holds you back; the harsh inner critic can be tamed. Ascend out of the pain.

Truth: my mother was a covert narcissist who used words as weapons; lies and gaslighting my reality were the norm. I loathe inauthenticity and liars, but being a seer and a champion for the truth can be a lonely place. However, seek truth; it’s the only way to be truly happy and in this modern world of mis- and disinformation, it is critical.

Read books. Yes, yes, I know I’m a 3-time published author, of course I’d say that. But, I don’t mean just mine! 😉 Read for different perspectives. Read to open your creativity and imagination, and to practise being distraction-free. Plus, read Empire of AI, which my wonderful friend, Glenn Martin, gave me for my birthday. Holy f*ck… read it!

Inquire:ask the question! Ok, this might be for the recruiters who become intimidated by grumpy old hiring managers with long job titles, but ask them anyway. It’s how you learn. Because what they mean may not be what AI tells you. There is a monumental shortage of curiosity, and without asking questions, it’s easy to make assumptions that lead to all manner of irksome situations.

Nurture: yourself inside and out. I learned the hard way that quick fixes only make you feel fabulous for a while: the new bag or pair of shoes, a facial, a manicure and so on. But true self-love and happiness came from deep inner-nurturing, learning to love my inner child and reparent myself. That nurturing lasts a lifetime and transforms the outside, too.

Advocate: I have always believed in advocating for the underdog, which comes from having been a victim, but honestly, now I think it’s more important than ever to advocate for all humans and Earth’s inhabitants being impacted by AI. Of course, it has its place, but we must consider its use and impact before rushing in, especially on job applicants.

Create: whatever it is that you haven’t brought to the world because the inner critic tells you you can’t. I had no idea I would create a business or that I would create books; my true love, being an author – an author with exactly zero university degrees! Tomorrow isn’t guaranteed, so if you have something bubbling inside that’s desperate for a creative outlet, birth it! Write the shitty first draft or take the course. Don’t dim the light you’re here to shine.

Open your heart: my heart was under layers of armour, which, as I explain in The Damage of Words, I thought was from my childhood, but turned out to be from countless past lives too. (Did I mention the Kindle version is only £1 today?) It took ten years to finally release its shackles, and the difference was immediate. A complete life shift. True self-acceptance.

Love yourself: My depths of self-loathing were so deep that I never believed I’d even like myself, let alone love myself, flaws and all. I operated from trauma; I projected my self-hate onto others, unfairly tearing people down to numb my pain. Loving myself opened possibilities beyond my wildest dreams, and I developed into a compassionate and kind human who only dislikes people based on their behaviours, not their differences from me.

Listen: ok, it’s still a work in progress! But oh, what we learn when we listen to other people’s experiences with an open heart and mind. My driver yesterday chatted about his life in Romania, and the similarities to life in the UK were evident. I asked lots of questions and listened as best I could after a long day of travel; he said I was the best passenger he’d had to date because I actually talked to him, human to human. 🥰

Inspire others: I never intended to be an inspiration to others, and it’s a responsibility I use wisely. But when you do the thing that makes you sit bolt upright and buzz with excitement, others feel it. You don’t have to stand on a stage or write a vulnerable memoir to inspire people; it may be as simple as embracing your quirks, taking that risk, healing that wound, or countless other things that express your self-love, kindness and compassion.

Elevate women and minorities: consciously advocate for people who are more likely to be overlooked or not volunteer. For example, mention the manel or lack of diversity to event organisers, and suggest people who could be great for now or future events. Or perhaps, when you see another listicle of male-authored books, drop in some great books by female authors (not meaning mine; just an example!). Remember those who paved the way for us.

Revel in life: it really is your choice. I don’t mean toxic positivity; of course, I can still have a shite day. But life is full of little miracles and moments worthy of appreciation. The birds nesting in the box, the bees back for spring, and nature running its cycle, oblivious to our human toil. I find breathing and feeling gratitude for what I do have make it easy to revel in the life I am creating.

Because wow, it’s going fast, and I am going to enjoy the ride while it lasts!

🥳